LOVE LETTER SERIES - EP 9: WHO PROVES MY TRUTH?

 Love is a beautiful thing

I'm fully aware of how lovely it is to welcome someone into your life and get to experience knowing them for who they are.
But I still try to ask why I always have to be the one to let go. I write this fully aware that I value my boundaries so much that I'd let go of everything.
Why?
I saw myself compromising again.

I love wholeheartedly.
I always want to accommodate my partner's feelings.
I love clearly but I sometimes choose to not see.

I love openly.
I wouldn't care so much about always being with my partner.
It's all seen in my expressions and actions.
I'd be attuned to what you say, how you speak, your facial expressions, the glow/dim in your eyes when you communicate.. everything.
I'd always want to hold you, feel your presence around me, lean on you (lazy me), talk to you..
I always want to be treated like a baby.

But, I clocked out..twice.

The definition of relationships now makes me feel nauseous and I choose to not have a bad impression of love because of it. Sometimes, I blame myself. Maybe I'm being unfair like they say.

But, why does my dignity have to stand as a barrier to my relationships?

I thought it was supposed to be my safe place where my values can be respected.
Why does it have to be transactional?

Well, I take the blame.
Maybe It's really me.
Maybe it's something I have to work on to attract someone that'd keep and uphold my values.
Maybe I need to let go of my desires to meet my person.
Maybe I'm just meant to be by myself.

Although, I know it's an intentional decision.
To please the one you love
So, why do I always have to be the one to compromise?
Compromise for what reason?
Is it because I'm innocent?
Don't I have a choice anymore?
Why am I tagged unfairly because I chose to not say a "YES"?

I still desire to be loved wholeheartedly. But honestly, I don't feel the excitement anymore. My heart feels heavy at times. Lately, I push past thoughts that I used to happily fantasize about.

Am I wrong to desire a love pure, beautiful and safe? ... Who is enough for me?

I know I'm not wrong.
But who proves my truth?

Self Reflection  

Boundaries are not barriers; they are safeguards that ensure love remains healthy and mutual. True love honors both “yes” and “no”.