LOVE LETTER SERIES - EP7: BEYOND CLOSE DOORS

 Unsure, but honest.

Dear New,

You probably don’t even know it, but I’ve been standing at the edge of myself hesitant. Cautious. Observant. I notice all of it, even when I pretend I don’t.

It’s not that you’ve done anything wrong.

It’s just… I have.

I gave chances before. I opened doors before I was ready and convinced my heart to stay in places where I wasn't protected.

I still remember the morning I broke. The morning I cried loudly uncontrollably. I found myself left alone in the middle of the road, not just physically, but emotionally. Like a stone heavy, cold, and hard to carry.

So now, here you are. And I don’t know if you’re safe. I don’t know if you’ll respect the quiet things I don’t say out loud. I don’t know if your patience has a pace slower than desires.

I don’t know you and that alone makes me unsure.

But what I do know is this: I’m not desperate. I’m not in a rush. 

So maybe I’ll stay here a little longer. With the version of me that is learning to trust her gut, her no’s, her pauses, her power.

Maybe one day I’ll give “new” a chance.

But it won’t be out of fear, or guilt, or curiosity.

It will be because I see intentionality, respect, and safety not in your words, but in how your actions protect what I am and value.

until then?

I'm allowed to be unsure.

Reflection 

Maybe I’m still learning what it means to be loved in a way that doesn’t demand pieces of me in return. Maybe I’m not ready to open that door again, not because I’m closed off but because I now know what it costs, with the weight of everything I finally let go of.

So, New… I don’t know if I’m ready for you yet.

But I’m here.

And in her words?

I was always taken… by me.